two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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