it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
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I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
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Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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