I hate your face
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
