an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
