I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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