I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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