Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
