Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
