i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Randomize