No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
