I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
