i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
