Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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