I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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