i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
