Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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