YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
