i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
