I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
