rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
