smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
