it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
A bitchslap is in order.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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