If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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