why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
