I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
