why didn't you poke me back
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
