If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
