4 words: hood of his car
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize