forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
We need to get me chipped asap
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
