so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
