UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you traded sex for a burrito?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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