u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
