You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
