rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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