I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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