I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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