Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
