Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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