u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize