wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
