I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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