She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
do herpes really smell.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
