it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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