i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
