Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
