my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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