does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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