Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
