I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize