I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
