Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
