the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
