did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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