No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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