My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I don't deserve a penis
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
