remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize