there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
