"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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