yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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