i don't like sucking hair
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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