i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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