The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
