The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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