I think im going to throw up on grandma
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
