I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
