I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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