In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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