the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
This is my gift to your gina
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
