last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
