she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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