So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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