i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
