i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Please don't give away my fajitas
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
