you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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