you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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