i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
