Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
