Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
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Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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