I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
